“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.”
Romans 12:9
Ever since I got pregnant with my oldest I’ve been trying to get back to my old self. It has been quite a journey. Many days feeling impossible to do. If I’m being honest, it has been a failed journey and finally I know why. I’ll never be the same woman I was before I had children. That was a woman who had never carried a child to full term, birth a child, or raise one. Let alone TWO. Yet, this woman I am now has done that plus some. It took me a long time to realize that. Once I did I was saddened but also excited to date this new version of me and learn to love her.
I thought I had a breakthrough when I came to that realization. Until one day I confided in a friend about how lost I was feeling. She sent me some words of encouragement and a scripture that made me feel even more disconnected from who I am. It made me feel naked, ashamed, disappointed. That is not what this scripture was meant to do though. It was supposed to uplift me but it didn’t because it reminded me of everything I don’t do, everything I’m not. Romans 12:12 says, “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” During this time in my life I was receiving a lot of “no’s” or delayed “yes’s” causing me not to be joyful, patient, and faithful. BUT wait it doesn’t stop there Roman 12:14 proceeds to remind me that I’m definitely failing at being my best self by saying, “bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.” Anyone who has dealt with a break-up, separation from a significant other, or their children(s)’ father walking in love and blessing them is not always the easiest task.
I sat in my room in deep thought after reading those scriptures. All this time I am trying to figure out who I am. Looking for a blueprint to find myself.. the best me. Here it is! The blueprint in the word; telling me exactly who I am and how to act. I had to give myself grace after feeling so ashamed that I had not been following the blueprint the Lord has laid out for me. Now that I know better I can apply and do better. For a mom who has been struggling with their identity I would recommend starting with what the Word says you are and how you should act. Trust me just because I have found a blueprint does not mean it has been a walk in the park. It is quite a challenge. But I am focusing on being present and enjoying this journey of connecting with my best self.
Your fellow Able Mom,
Nkoya Kidd
Heavenly Father, We thank You for Your love, which calls us to love one another with sincerity. Help us to hate what is evil and cling to what is good. Guide us to be devoted to one another, showing honor and respect in all our relationships.
Lord, teach us to bless those who persecute us, to live in harmony with others, and to seek peace in all circumstances. Empower us to overcome evil with good, and to trust You with all matters of justice. May we reflect Your grace and love in all we do.
In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.
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