Do you know how to LOVE?

Nkoya Kidd
1 day ago
3 min read

“And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.”1 Corinthians 13:13

It wasn’t until I had children that I discovered what love is—and that I don’t really know how to love. I once thought love was a feeling, like how all the Hollywood movies portray it. When I found out that love is how God loves us, and that it’s a daily choice, I instantly knew I was failing. I was getting it wrong every time.

This is a safe space, so let me be as upfront as possible. We always think we will love our children; why wouldn’t we? We gave birth to them. While carrying them, we have butterflies thinking about all they will be and how adorable they will look. Love is heavy in the air during pregnancy and the newborn stage. Then they jump into the toddler stage—aka whining, tantrums, not listening, and tearing everything apart. Where is the cuteness? It left with the honeymoon stage of parenting. By the time your child turns two, you are in the thick of it.

No one tells you this, but having kids is just like dating a significant other. Just because you give birth to them does not mean you will automatically be compatible. You have to go through the stages of learning who they are and how to love them—just like a significant other.

Here’s the kicker: children change more frequently than adults do, so you are constantly having to adjust how you love them. That isn’t even the most challenging part. If you have not been taught how to love, how in the world will you know how to properly love this small human? Well, this is where I am in parenting. I have been spending some time studying what God says love is. I’ll give you a few nuggets that I am taking into my week to help me best love my children so I can set a positive atmosphere in my home.

Here is the definition of love:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV

You can imagine why, when I read that, I felt like I had been failing. I am not the most patient mom, I allow my children to quickly anger me, and I for sure keep a tally of their wrongs. If you do the same, please know you are not a bad mom; you are a mom still learning. You are a mom doing the best you can with what you have—and that is amazing.

When taking a deep dive into each of those qualities of being a loving person, I learned that an antonym for patient is irritable. To be patient means “able to accept or tolerate delays, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious.” Mama, spend this week taking a deep dive into what irritates you and causes you to lack patience. Then create an affirmation (for example: I enjoy when my children make silly sounds). Recite it and pray on it. Because the tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit (Proverbs 18:21). Love is not just a feeling—it’s a choice you get to make daily. It is a journey, but you are on the right path. Which definition will you be focusing on this week?

Your Fellow Able Mom,Nkoya Kidd

Heavenly Father, thank You for teaching me what true love is. Help me to love my children the way You love me—patiently, kindly, and without keeping record of wrongs. When I feel irritable or overwhelmed, remind me that love is a choice and a gift I can give daily. Strengthen me to set a home filled with peace, grace, and joy. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Connect With Nkoya:

Instagram: @na.co.wa

Facebook: Warrior Nori Books

Website: warriornori.com

Email: nkoyakidd@gmail.com