She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Proverbs 31:27
“Which one is your favorite?,” a friend asks with anticipation.
“None of them. I love them all equally,” I responded.
“No, come on, you have to have a favorite,” she stammers back.
“No, I really don’t. All four of them are so different so I get to love them differently but I definitely don’t have a favorite.”
We have four children ranging from 12-18; one girl, three boys. You would think that coming from the same household with the same guide rails and expectations they would be somewhat similar. However, that is not the case. They are uniquely themselves and it’s so beautiful to see how God engineered each and every one.
I can remember when my children were little, I would snuggle them tight and say, “You are my favorite.” They would snicker and grin, knowing that this was a phrase I told them all. They are each my favorite because they are a precious gift that I always dreamed of having since I was a little girl. I always wanted to be a mom and God has blessed me with four super cool kids. It’s my obligation as their mom to honor Him by digging deep and finding out how to love them well.
What is their love language? What makes them feel loved? How do they communicate? The answers to those questions are very different for every child.
My oldest child, now 18 and a freshman in college, is extremely introverted. Although his love language is quality time, connecting with him has to be intentional. He loves to play board games, listen to Indie music on his vinyls, and can talk at great lengths about anything Marvel related. When he was home and I felt like he might be reclusing, I would go and sit in his bed with him. I didn’t say a single word. I would sit there and let him know that I was present. I would lay my hand on his knee and close my eyes, he knew I was praying over him and he would reply, “Thank you, Mims (his nickname for me Mimsical Whimsical).” I could easily chalk up his persona as difficult and standoffish, but that’s not really him. He’s just quiet and keeps to himself, so I need to find ways to connect with him.
Our 17 year old is quite the opposite, an extrovert by nature. He loves people and conversation. He spends his time on the main floor of our home wherever everyone else might be. He’s a conversationalist and genuinely wants to know how your day was and what you did that particular day? This child is easy to talk with and is constantly conjuring up ways we can spend time together as a family. If that means playing a video game on his vintage gaming system or watching a movie together or going to the newest restaurant, this is what makes this boy truly happy.
It would be easy to prefer one over the other. My oldest requires more intention and understanding who he is, how he operates, and how to reach him. His younger brother is easy to talk with, open to conversation, and thoroughly enjoys being the center of the action at home. But here’s the thing, God didn’t call us to love the easy child. He calls us to love all of our children the way that He loves them, to be grateful for the gift of that child and to work diligently to ensure that child feels seen, valued, loved, and heard.
Perhaps one of our most important jobs as a mom is knowing the individual needs of those in our household and doing our very best to meet those needs. This world is competing for our childrens’ attention. Be the reason they don’t have to search for love elsewhere.
Your Fellow Able Mom,
Trudy
Thank you, Lord, for the precious gift of being a mother. Please give us eyes to see the needs and desires of our children and give us the wisdom and strength to love them well. In Jesus’s name I pray, Amen.
Connect with Trudy:
IG: trudy_lonesky
Books: “Reclaim Her Heart” https://a.co/d/5TDseXo
“Confidently Crowned” https://a.co/d/8wJz7Vo
Email: trudy.lonesky@gmail.com
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