Perhaps you were born for such a time like this
Esther 4:14 NIV
Before I gave my life to Christ, I had no desire to get married, no desire to stay at home with my children, and no belief that I deserved a devoted husband who genuinely loved me. I started wanting to get married in my twenties after deciding to follow Jesus, and then the crazy idea struck me that I should want to stay at home to raise my children. I made the decision to give up school and become a nanny because I wanted to be the best mother I could be and have as much experience as possible so I could be the best mother to my children. At 27 years old I lost my first child at 4 weeks. Entering my 30s I had no professional career, a wonderful spouse, and the ambition to become a mother and stay at home with them. The year I turned 30 was not the best for me; I felt like a failure and as though I had wasted my life. that I am unable to have a family? How come this is happening to me? I feel down, unhappy, outraged and confused.
I'm done wanting to live. My body is terrible, and it won't function the way it should! All I want is a baby Lord ! My hormones are out of control, I can't talk to people without sobbing, and being infertile has brought me to a very sad place. My husband and I never engaged in extramarital sex! I honored you for the first time and accomplished everything correctly! Is this a retaliation for everything I did before I devoted my life to you? Why ! Why ! Why ! Have you abandoned me? I don't understand! For three solid years, those were the only thoughts I could think about.
There are many things we plan for our life, and our calendars are full, but we often forget that while we humans can make as many plans as we like, Jesus ultimately has the final say, and his plans are far greater than anything we could ever dream.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
I adopted a new strategy and viewpoint when it came to how I perceived infertility.
The Bible talks about leaving your children and grandchildren an inheritance, and for me, my family, and my family's family, the inheritance is a generation that will know Him and Him alone. They will not continue with generational curses that have been passed down from generation to generation in my family tree. That stops with me. It hasn't been easy, but it all has a purpose for my children and my grandchildren. I don't know when I'll give birth to my children, but I do know that the Lord is forming my character in order to exalt him. I am a mama in waiting, and my purpose is to break generational curses, so all's well with my soul. Even more, the Lord led me to launch a company that will prosper and provide me the opportunity to work from home once we are blessed with a child. And this wouldn't have happened without this journey of infertility.
However, the only reason I am here is to love and live for the glory of my God; I am not valuable because I am a mother, sister, daughter, or wife! My worth lies in Christ, and in Christ alone. I am simply his daughter, and my only goal in life is to magnify Christ. I enjoy my life, and I know that one day I'll be raising kids, but those are the benefits of just being his daughter but not my purpose.
Your fellow Able Mom,
Thank you, God, for always loving me and allowing me to ask the difficult questions even when I was angry with you. You have been and will continue to be a good father to me who loves me unconditionally and never leaves me. I appreciate how you constantly help me return to a peaceful state, regardless of the situation.
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